A fool and his money
When I was much younger I remember hearing someone say, “Don’t ever play poker with a guy they call Pops, don’t ever eat at a roadside restaurant call Ma’s and ….” I’ll have to finish that thought in a minute.
Last Friday Dr. Spetzler’s office called with the good news. The other Cavernous Malformation is my brain (we’ll call him CavMal #2). Even though my eyesight hasn’t returned to normal and the potential for more bad things to happen is still there, they’re not going to even consider surgery. CavMal #2 is in a more risky position that #1. It’ll be three more years before my next MRI, barring any other issues.
For now I carry on. This is the new normal…for now. On May 11th, I have my follow-up appointment with Dr. Katz (Neuro-Ophthalmologist). He will determine what should be done with my eye-lids and right eye. Although my right eye-lid pops open, from time-to-time, my right eye still doesn’t want to play ball. … eye, ball ? no pun intended.
When I look back at where I was a year ago, I can remember the leaves blooming and the pine trees having new growth. I only saw it when I tilted my head back and lifted my eyelid by hand. It’s pretty nice to come downstairs in the morning to see all of the green outside. At this stage, a year ago, Colin would always tell me how he thought my eyes looked more open. I always wanted to believe him. After a while we both started to accept things for what they were. There’s no point in saying something that’s not true.
There is, on the other hand, a point in accentuating the positive. Maybe even faking the truth. After a few months of saying “I’m great”, you start to believe it. If nothing else your outward appearance changes. No one could imagine what I see. Many have tried to guess. I wish it were as simple as seeing with only one eye. Although there are times that is true. At times, it’s like seeing with two eyes that see two different directions. Without the perspective of other objects it’s like everything is a painting. It’s amazing how much I can do.
There have been bad days, but nobody wants to hear about how bad I feel. I certainly don’t want to tell someone how bad I feel. I’d much rather tell someone how good I feel and see the smile of disbelief on their face. That’s cool. I’ve never been one to wallow in sorrow. Admittedly, I am an emotional person. But, if possible, I’d rather my emotions make someone smile instead of pity me.
So, the rest of the saying goes, “not only are a fool and his money soon parted, but they were lucky to get together in the first place.” What does that have to do with my update? I’m not sure, but I’ve always wanted to say that.