What does “better” mean?

There have been many people ask me if I’m feeling better.  I’m happy to say that I feel great, but that’s been the case for some time.  My response has always been, “I feel great, I just can’t see that well”.  This is still true, but I’m seeing some changes in my eyelids.

My left eye, we’ll call it the good one, is still open 3/4 of the way.  The right eye, or lazy one, seems to be more open.  Connie has commented on this and I notice it by how much I feel my eyelashes touching my cheek.  That’s how I can tell that there is a change.

There have also been times, that I notice it open, because of the sudden double vision.  It’s a necessary part of improvement, but is scary. All of a sudden there will be two of everything.  I just have to stop and focus with my left eye.  Sometimes I can wink with the right and everything returns to how it was.  Looking down, for obvious reasons, always means seeing double.  There has to be a chance of that lid opening or I’ll have to have more in-depth surgery to have it lifted next year.   We’ll approach that when the time comes.

I was experiencing some dizziness a few weeks ago, so I went to see my family doctor.  All of symptoms pointed to a lack of fluids.  He actually told me I should add salt to my diet and drink more.  However, not the kinds of fluids I would have hoped for.

One sensation that hasn’t changed in nearly 8 months is the feeling in my leg and foot.  It’s like they have fallen asleep.  There was also the same feeling from my knee upward for a few months, but less intense.  It was almost like someone had drawn a line straight down the middle of my body.  That started shortly before being discharged.  The doctors believe it’s because of the swelling in my brain.  I sometimes wonder if it’s not connected to the other cavernous malformation still in my brain stem.  That swelling, you may remember, can take up to 12 months to go away.  Only time will tell.

I’m more confident and comfortable.  I don’t wonder what others think of my appearance.  I don’t apologize for how I look.  I’m not sure that my outside has changed, but the man inside sees things differently.   That’s what “better” means.

About the author

Brian E. Wagner is a Speaker, Author and Coach, and he is also the Creator of A RADICAL VISION.