Where’s your center?
One of these days I’m really going to accept who I am. There’s something about being “that guy” that grows tiresome.
I took my car in for an oil change last week. Could have been a Victoria’s Secret supermodel and not have gotten any more looks. They must have wondered, “how did that guy get here?”. “is he okay to drive that car home?”. If they were on my right, they didn’t exist. Many of them put their hand on me to lead me. I could have done without that. They all meant well it was just a different experience.
The last few weeks have included a golf trip and so many work meetings I can hardly count. The golf trip proved to be a success. To everyone’s surprise, including my own, I crushed the ball off the tee. After a day or so I realized that I have to over compensate on my irons and fairway woods. If I stand a little closer than what feels comfortable I seem to be able to make good contact. It’s my new center. My swing has to be natural and the ball has to just get in the way. After I hit the ball, and that wasn’t always the case, I need someone to tell me where it went. If I didn’t hit it I’d simply stay right there and give it another whirl.
The hardest shots for me are from the sand. It takes a lot more precision and mishits are not as forgiving. There were a few times that I spread the sand like a beachcomber looking for coins. It takes thick skin and a short memory. More than that, I remind myself that I’m fortunate to even be golfing at all. It’s unfortunate when I actually beat someone. They must feel terrible losing to a guy with one eye. 🙂
Work has been awesome. I can tell that most people don’t look at me differently. I wished looking in the mirror made me feel the same way. I need to keep this blog going to make this a worthy experience. I can’t do this if there is not a positive result or outcome.
I look around and I know that many people have a story. Some have gone on living normal lives. Some have had to deal with loss. I can’t forget what I’m living with. It’s important for me to be treated normally. I hate pity. It’s important for others to remember what I’m going through so they can tell others how I’ve dealt with it.
There’s no doubt that my faith has enabled my attitude. Please don’t read that “he thinks he does no wrong.”. It’s quite the contrary. Most days include words, thoughts and actions that would make you wonder if this is the same guy as the one you read about. It’s something everyone struggles with. We’re all hypocrites. At the “end of the day” we all come back to “center”. Your “center” may be left of mine. That’s okay. You still have a center. It’s who you are.
I’d hate for my kids to grow up without a father or my wife to be a widow. The experiences that they have in life will not be normal. But, they’ll still have a center. I didn’t give it to them, but I may have enabled it or strengthened it. I’ll be happy where I am and they should be happy with their lives, as well.
One of these days I’ll join the local golf club again. It will take some time and I’m certain that my eyes are in for more changes in the next year. On a positive note (at least for me), I was in the minority of our group that didn’t require pain killers before, during or after golf.